


Truth is a Beautiful Thing

by Indefensible2017



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, Bernie freaking out about her feelings, F/F, Fluff, Heart-to-Heart, Road Trip, Sharing a Bed, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-11-14 11:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indefensible2017/pseuds/Indefensible2017
Summary: Set just after Indefensible. Hanssen asks Serena and Bernie to attend a conference in Scotland to talk about the trauma unit. Bernie offers to drive them there but things don't go to plan...





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be honest, canon Berena is pretty poor right now, so I'm hiding in fanfic until Holby City sort themselves out. This is just an idea I've been pondering for a little while, I hope you enjoy it. :)
> 
> I've rated this mature for now but it may go to up to explicit depending on what I end up writing!

******Chapter One**

_"and now Alex is gone… someone new… I’ve seen you look at her in the same way."_

Cameron’s words had repeated in Bernie’s mind since he had said them to her as she had sat on his hospital bed. Bernie had denied it of course, ever the coward, even despite Cameron’s obvious support. Bernie had realised, as she had lied to her son about her feelings for Serena, quite how strongly she really felt for her co-lead.

The realisation of her feelings had been painful. She’d sat at home that night with a whiskey, trying to figure out exactly when she had gone from simply enjoying her friendship with Serena to wishing there was _something_ more. She had always considered Serena to be beautiful, had always been attracted to her, ever since she had approached her in the car park to offer an amateur mechanic’s opinion, but this was something more than attraction. Bernie knew, somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with Serena.

The hurt in Serena’s eyes as Bernie had lied to her that afternoon had been obvious and the memory made Bernie’s insides ache. She had taken Serena, and AAU, for granted. As Bernie finished her whiskey she endeavoured to repair the damage she had done.

The next morning, Bernie looked over at Serena as she worked, their desks opposite each other in the small office they shared. Serena hadn’t looked up from her computer once that morning, engrossed in emails and AAU admin that she never burdened Bernie with. The coffee Bernie had bought her a few hours ago still sat on the desk, untouched.

A knock on the door broke Bernie’s attention away from her thoughts of Serena and she looked up to see Hanssen stood in the doorway.“Ms Campbell, Ms Wolfe.” He nodded his greeting.

“Henrik.” Serena gave a small smile.

“I have a proposal for you both,” Hanssen cut right to the chase, not even bothering to sit down on one of the chairs near the door, “an NHS conference in Edinburgh have had a last minute speaker cancellation. They asked if I could think of anyone to take the spare place and I thought it sounded like the perfect opportunity for you both to share the story of the new trauma unit.”

Bernie felt her insides churn. Speak at a conference? She could barely get a coherent sentence out around Serena, let alone stand on a stage and present alongside her.

“When is it?” Serena asked.

“Monday.”

“We’re both on shift on Monday.” Bernie replied.

“Mr Di Lucca has offered to cover your shifts over the next few days so you can leave tonight and spend tomorrow there preparing.”

“You’re asking quite a lot.” Serena

“Well so did you if you remember, Ms Campbell.” Hanssen countered.

Bernie looked between them, obviously having missed a conversation that had happened between them previously.

Serena fell silent.

“Well I’m game.” Bernie shrugged. She knew the trauma unit was one of the only in the country and she was proud of the work she and Serena had done to get it up and running, it felt right to share their story with the rest of the NHS.

“Fine.” Serena sighed, obviously unhappy about the idea but unable to find an excuse.

“Very good.” The faintest smile flickered on Hanssen’s lips before he turned and left the office, closing the door behind him.

An awkward silence passed between the two women before Serena spoke: “I’ll need to see if Alan can keep an eye on Jason for a couple of nights,” the first words she had spoken directly to Bernie that day, “and we’ll need to book flights.”

“I can drive,” Bernie offered, unsure of Serena’s reaction to the idea, “getting a domestic flight at such short notice will be a nightmare.”

Serena looked unsure and Bernie could appreciate why - the idea of being in a car together for seven hours surely wasn’t Serena’s idea of good time. She seemed to ponder the idea before finally answering, “Alright. I need to go home to pick up for a few things though."

“I can pick you up from yours when your ready.”

“Sure.” The lack of enthusiasm in Serena’s voice was evident and her face remained free of emotion, but she had agreed and Bernie took it as a step forward in healing their friendship, no matter how small.

* * *

 

By 6pm Bernie had pulled up outside of Serena’s house. She had packed light, managing to fit enough for a few nights in her old army duffel bag, which she’d chucked in the small boot of her sports car, hopefully leaving enough space for Serena’s things. Butterflies gathered in her stomach as she waited for Serena, having sent her a text to let her know she was outside.

Serena eventually appeared, dragging a large suitcase behind her.

“You know we’re only going for a few nights, right?” Bernie smiled as Serena climbed into the passenger seat, having somehow managed to fit her suitcase in the boot.

A small smile briefly appeared on Serena’s lips. Thankfully Bernie’s comment seemed to have reduced the tension between them rather than increase it. “I wasn’t sure what to wear for the conference so I have a few different outfits… and I had to pack my laptop so we can prepare our talk.”

“Ah,” Bernie started the engine, her heart racing as she caught Serena’s eye, “a computer - I should have known you’d be organised enough for the both of us.”

Serena flicked on the radio and changed it from Radio 1 to Radio 4. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all.” Bernie felt relief fill her body as the air between them lightened, a stark change from the silence between them that morning at work. She pulled out of Serena’s driveway and they joined the main road.

“I brought a flask of coffee, do you want some?”

Bernie nodded, “Please.” She’d only just had time to get a shower and change her clothes at home before picking Serena up - dinner and caffeine had been forgotten.

Serena opened the cap of the flask and poured out the hot liquid. She offered the plastic cup to Bernie and she took it, balancing the steering wheel with one hand as she took a big gulp.

The caffeine hit Bernie almost instantly. It was quite possibly the strongest coffee she’d ever tasted but it was exactly what she needed for the long drive ahead. “Oh that’s good, thank you.” Bernie was sure she could see a small blush cross Serena’s cheeks but couldn’t take her eyes off the road long enough to confirm her suspicions.

Serena finished off the rest of the coffee in the cup before placing the flask down by her feet.

“You should get some sleep if you can. I’m pretty sure on the directions, used to drive up to Scotland quite a bit for half term breaks with the kids when i wasn’t on tour,” Bernie pulled the car onto the motorway and put her foot down, hitting a steady 80mph and sliding her sunglasses over her eyes to stop the low evening sun from obstructing her vision.

“You sure?”

Bernie nodded, “it’s been a long day.”

Serena gave a small ‘mhmm’ in agreement, resting her head back against the car seat and closing her eyes.

It wasn’t long before Bernie guessed Serena had fallen asleep - her breath having settled to a slower pace, only just audible over the sound of the radio. Bernie wanted to change the station back to Radio 1, tiredness settling in and the gentle voices of the Radio 4 presenters doing nothing to keep her alert, but couldn’t bear the idea of waking Serena up to the sound of thumping dance music.She passed a sign for Sheffield and figured they must be coming up to halfway. The rumble in her stomach indicating it was time for something to eat.

Bernie pulled the car into the nearest service station and stopped the engine. She looked over at Serena, never having seen her so peaceful - their work at Holby was always so fast-paced, had become even more so since the trauma unit had opened. Bernie could never figure out how Serena found the time to co-lead AAU, support her with the trauma unit and take care of Jason. Bernie gently reached out to place her hand on Serena’s shoulder, “Serena, we’ve stopped to get some food.”

Serena murmured softly before opening her eyes, looking around to ascertain where they were.

“Are you hungry?”

Serena nodded, her eyes finally meeting Bernie’s. “Starving.”

They both left the car and headed inside the tired, 1960s-built service station. Quiet elevator-style music played from speakers inside the building, the other sounds to be heard were a few conversations from a handful of other customers dotted around the seating area. Serena and Bernie silently perused the fast food outlets before deciding on a coffee shop at the end of the parade.

“Two americanos, extra shots, and two ham sandwiches please,” Bernie ordered as Serena took a seat, “and a pain au chocolat.” They were Serena’s favourite pastry and the sight of one was sure to put a smile on her face, even at 10 o’clock at night.

Sure enough Bernie was rewarded with a big, heart-warming Serena Campbell grin as she had handed over the pastry, and after a brief chat over ‘dinner’ about the rest of the route, they were back on the road.

Serena stayed awake for the rest of the journey, involving Bernie in a political debate that had stemmed from a rather right-wing conversation they had listened to on the radio. Bernie had of course agreed with Serena’s points, having discovered over a bottle of Shiraz a few months ago that they seemed to share exactly the same political views, but had enjoyed the debate nonetheless. Listening to Serena speak passionately about something couldn’t help but bring a smile to Bernie’s lips.

It was midnight by the time they passed signs for Newcastle and Bernie left the motorway, following signs for the Northumberland National Park.

“Are you sure this is right way?” Serena asked as she poured them another coffee from her flask, the first doubt she had raised in Bernie’s driving since the journey had begun.

“I always go this way, it’s shorter than following the coast, and prettier too.”

“Bernie, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s pitch black outside, I’m not sure a prettier route is of much benefit right now.” Serena smiled.

“Just trust me, okay?” She took the offered coffee from Serena, suddenly realising the deeper meaning behind her question. Serena had trusted her yesterday and she had lied to her, repeatedly. Even after her apology, how could Serena trust her now with anything? Bernie felt guilt rising inside her at her thoughtless words, finding the courage to glance over at Serena to judge her reaction to the question.

Serena gave Bernie a comforting smile, “I trust you.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy people are reading this. Thanks so much for your lovely comments. :) 
> 
> I didn't intend for this chapter to be quite so long but I couldn't stop writing, and I couldn't find a good place to stop it... so here it is!

**Chapter Two**

  
Bernie could feel her eyelids becoming heavy, the flask of coffee having run out about 30 minutes ago and lack of sleep starting to take its toll. Serena had fallen asleep again, curled up in the front passenger seat with her coat over her for warmth.

Their drive so far had been wonderful, Bernie couldn’t remember the last time she’d managed to chat to Serena without interruption from the red phone ringing or Fletch and Raf joining them in Albie’s. Bernie had realised as they had been chatting how difficult it was to keep her eyes on the road, the occasional passing car lighting up Serena’s face and reminding Bernie how absolutely stunning she was.

Bernie let out a yawn, figuring they must only be an hour or so from Edinburgh. The dark, empty, winding roads seemed to go on forever without a road sign. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw another car.

She rolled down her window to let some fresh air into the car, glancing down at the radio to change the station from Radio 4 to Classic FM, hoping the music would be calming enough not to wake Serena but lively enough to keep her awake. She fiddled with the buttons, missing the one she wanted and having to switch back to Radio 4 again.

Bernie glanced up from the radio buttons just in time to see a deer run out into the road, its fear-filled eyes catching the car headlights as it froze in place.

Bernie felt a rush of fear as she slammed on the brakes but she knew they were travelling too fast to avoid hitting the animal. The car screeched as she swerved the car, losing control as it span across the road.

She felt Serena’s hand seek out hers and she gripped it tightly, slamming her eyes closed and praying for the car to come to a stop. Suddenly the car collided with a tree on the edge of the road, the metal of the bonnet compacting against the wood with a ear-splintering crash.

Bernie felt herself jerk forwards, her head hitting the steering wheel as her airbag failed to release. She could taste blood in her mouth and the pain in her head seemed to emanate across her body. She realised as silence fell that she was still holding tight onto Serena’s hand.

Bernie could hear Serena groan. Raising her head from the wheel, she looked over to see Serena with her hand to her head, eyes closed and airbag pressed against her torso. “Are you okay?” She asked, her voice shaking.

Serena nodded, “Fine I think.”

Bernie’s hand left Serena’s and she unbuckled her seatbelt. She opened her car door, falling as she tried to exit the vehicle, her shaking legs giving way underneath her as her hands and knees hit the cold ground. She glanced over at the front of the car, smoke pouring from what little of the bonnet remained - it was a total write-off.

Bernie could feel her breath shaking in her chest, condensation forming as she exhaled into the night air. “Fuck.” She swore under her breath, trying to calm herself down and failing. Her heart raced in her chest. She felt sick.

“Bernie, are you okay?” Serena had left the car and was crouched down beside her, trying to help her up.

Bernie managed a nod as she rose to her feet with Serena’s help.

“You’re bleeding.” Serena slid her blue shirt from her shoulders, bundling it into a ball and pressing it firmly to Bernie’s forehead.

“I hit my head on the wheel.” Bernie replied, noticing now Serena had removed her shirt that she was only wearing a black vest, the cold air covering her bare arms in goosebumps. “We should find some help.”

“We should go to the hospital.”

“I don’t want to go to a hospital.”

Serena looked at her pointedly.

“You’re the best doctor I know… please don’t, I feel okay.” She lied. The idea of sitting in A&E for endless hours made her feel even worse than she already did.

Serena kept the pressure on Bernie’s forehead as Bernie reached into the back of her jeans pocket and pulled out her phone to call for breakdown assistance. Surely they could get the car towed to a nearby garage, pick up a hire car and finish the rest of the journey that night.

“Shit.” Bernie swore at the sight on her phone - no reception. “We’ll have to walk to a payphone.”

“Where are we?” Serena asked, taking her shirt away from Bernie’s forehead to see if the bleeding had stopped. She seemed satisfied that it had. She checked her own mobile phone but the silence that followed only confirmed to Bernie that she too had no reception.

Bernie glanced at the amount of her blood that had covered Serena’s shirt - it was completely ruined. She made a mental note to buy her a new one as soon as they got to Edinburgh. Bernie looked around, barely able to make much out in the darkness that surrounded them. “Somewhere in the Northumberland National Park.”

Serena looked worried at Bernie’s vague reply.

“I think I can see a building in the distance, they should have a phone we can use.” Bernie guessed the small light she could see was easily 4 or 5 miles away but what choice did they have? The chances of them being picked up by a passing car at 1am on a Saturday morning were slim at best.

Serena seemed to silently agree, moving to the back of the car to pull her suitcase and Bernie’s duffel bag from the boot.

Bernie slung her duffel bag over her shoulder and tried to take Serena’s case from her. The adrenaline that had filled her body was fading, leaving her only with the most intense guilt at what she had allowed to happen. She should have been more awake. She shouldn’t have tried to swerve away from the deer. She should never have offered to drive at all.

“Bernie, I don’t need you trying to be a big macho army medic right now, I can pull my case perfectly fine.” Serena’s tone was cold. She took her coat from the car and put it on, ignoring eye contact with Bernie and grabbing the handle of her case.

Bernie felt her heart ache at Serena’s tone. Serena blamed her for this as much as she blamed herself.

They walked in silence along the main road, towards the small light that Bernie prayed was the light of a building and not a streetlight. She used the torch on her mobile phone to light the edge of the road, Bernie leading the way. They walked in silence, the sound of Serena’s case on the rough tarmac the only noise that could be heard around them.

Bernie wanted to turn around, take Serena’s hands in hers and apologise profusely for crashing her car, for putting them in so much danger, but she couldn’t bear to look around and see Serena angry at her, not for the second time in 48 hours.

She silently chastised herself for being such a coward. It was like she was intent on destroying her own life - hiding from her sexuality for 25 years, hiding her feelings for Alex, hiding her feelings for Serena. Would she ever be brave? She thought maybe she had used up all of her bravery running into burning buildings and trying to resuscitate soldiers as IEDs went off around her. Maybe now she was resigned to a civilian life of unrequited love and self-hatred.

The walk seemed to take hours, the atmosphere between the two women as painful as Bernie’s head - perhaps hitting her head on the steering wheel had done more damage than she had anticipated. She breathed a heavy sigh of relief as they eventually reached the building she had seen in the distance. Bernie felt a wave of joy as the sign outside the old farmhouse read ‘Bed and Breakfast’.

They headed inside, surprised to find the front door open at such a late hour. Serena rang the bell on the reception desk.

Bernie glanced over at Serena - her hair was messy from the sweat that had gathered on her forehead from the walk and dark circles had gathered under her eyes. She looked upset and Bernie couldn’t blame her. It wasn't exactly the relaxing road trip they had been on just a few hours ago.

Within a few minutes a little old lady with big, blonde curly hair appeared from the door behind reception. “Can I help you?” she asked. She looked tired and confused as to why anyone would be bothering her at such an hour. Her eyes widened a little at the sight of Bernie’s bloody forehead but she refrained from making comment.

“We crashed our car down the road and don’t have any phone reception to call for breakdown, I don’t suppose I could use your phone please?” Bernie asked.

“Sure you can but don’t think anyone will be coming out in the middle of the night, pet.” The woman gave Bernie a small smile, pushing the landline across the reception desk.

“Thank you.” Bernie returned the smile, typing the breakdown assistance number from her mobile phone into the landline.

Serena had sat down on a chair in the small reception area, resting her arms and head down on top of her suitcase.

“Hello, my name is Bernie Wolfe and I need someone to come and get my car. I’ve had a crash.”

“Hi Bernie,” the friendly male voice on the other end of the line spoke. “Whereabouts are you?”

“I’m at Silverdale Farm House, my car is about 5 miles away from here.”

“Just hold on and I will find your location,” the man spoke and he went silent as he typed for a few minutes, “Okay Ms Wolfe, we can come out to you but not until Sunday morning. Unfortunately it’s such a remote location and we have a shortage of pick-up drivers this weekend, so the best we can offer you is Sunday morning.”

Bernie felt her heart sink. That was two days away. “I need to be at a conference in Edinburgh by Monday. Will you be able to bring a hire car with you?”

“Yes of course, that can be arranged for you, Ms Wolfe.”

“Thanks. Can you ring back on this phone if there are any changes?”

“Yes of course.”

Bernie hung up the phone and pushed it back towards the receptionist. “Do you have any rooms free for the next two nights?”

“Just the one room left I’m afraid,” the woman pulled a key from a hook on the wall behind her, “it’s a double room though.”

Bernie felt her stomach flip at the idea of sharing a bed with Serena, but dismissed the idea as quickly as it came to her. She would have to sleep in the bath or on the floor - she would never expect Serena to let her share the bed, and there was no way Bernie would let Serena sleep anywhere else. “Okay, that’s fine. How much?”

“£300. Breakfast is included both mornings.” The woman smiled and Bernie passed her credit card over to her.

Once paid up, Bernie grabbed her duffel bag from the floor and Serena followed her through a door and up a flight of stairs to the first floor. The B&B was old, the stairs and corridors all seeming to be on a slight slant as the building has subsided with age. The floors were all covered in the same floral-patterned carpet and the walls all painted in a cream colour that Bernie guessed may have been white about 30 years ago, the building smelt a little musty but it looked immaculately clean.

“This is ours.” Bernie announced as they reached their room, sliding the key into the lock and pushing open the door for Serena to go in before her.

Their room was a decent size, with a double bed in the middle of the room and a couple of pine bedside tables either side. A wooden chair sat in a corner, and a sideboard with a kettle was pushed up against one side of the room, a small bathroom on the other side.

Serena wasted no time in grabbing her toiletry bag from her case and heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Bernie unzipped her bag, finding a pair of grey cotton shorts and quickly ridding herself of her boots, jeans and bra, pulling on the shorts and smoothing out her black cotton t-shirt against her torso. She glanced at herself in a small mirror that sat on the sideboard - she looked horrendous. Blood from the cut on her head had dried in her hair and across the side of her face. No wonder Serena had wanted her to go to hospital. She sat down in the wooden chair, closing her eyes at the relief of finally being off her feet.

Bernie felt tears sting her eyes as the silence of the room enveloped her and the reality of the situation settled in.

She could have killed Serena in the crash.

It would only have taken the car to hit the tree on the passenger side and Serena wouldn’t have been walking away from the crash. Being so far away from a main city and with no phone reception it wouldn’t have been possible to get an ambulance. What if it had been Serena’s airbag that hadn’t worked? The idea of Serena’s head covered in blood instead of her own was enough for a tear to escape down Bernie’s face.

“Hey.”

Serena’s soft voice and gentle touch to her hands made Bernie’s eyes open. She felt her cheeks redden that Serena had caught her like this, so weak and pathetic.

“I’m sorry.” Bernie choked.

Serena took Bernie’s hand and led her to the bed, sitting down on top of the duvet alongside her. She had gotten rid of her coat and shoes and was left in her black trousers and black vest. Bernie noticed, through her tear-filled eyes, that Serena had washed her face and was entirely make-up free - she was still as beautiful as ever, if not more so.

“We need to clean up your head and take a proper look now we’ve got some light.” Serena’s voice was soothing and Bernie felt her tears start to subside a little.

Serena pulled a small first aid kit from her case and opened it up on her lap, her body turned towards Bernie’s so she could get a good look at Bernie’s forehead. She pulled open an antiseptic wipe and pressed it against Bernie’s forehead. “It doesn’t need stitches, it’s probably just going to leave quite a bit of a bruise,” she gently stroked the wipe across Bernie’s hairline. “Although I would feel much more comfortable if you would get a CT scan.”

“I feel fine.” Bernie replied, her body starting to relax at Serena’s soothing movements. No wonder the patients at Holby liked her so much, the care and attention she gave was enough to make anyone feel at ease. Bernie closed her eyes, feeling the tension release from her shoulders. She could smell Serena’s perfume, feel her breath on her face, the warmth of her body and the dip in the mattress as Serena moved closer to her to wipe the blood from her cheek.

“You look awful.” Serena eventually spoke.

“Thanks.” Bernie replied sarcastically, opening her eyes, a small smile on her lips.

Serena rolled her eyes, returning the smile. “You know what I mean.” There was a moment’s silence as Serena placed a plaster from her first aid kid over the cut on Bernie’s head. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier…I was just… I was a bit scared.” She bit her bottom lip, meeting Bernie’s eye. She looked embarrassed.

“I am so sorry, Serena.” Tears stung Bernie’s eyes again and she quickly blinked them away.

“Oh darling, it wasn’t your fault, please don’t think it was anything you could have stopped.” Serena gave her a small, reassuring smile. “Let’s get some sleep. It’s late.”

Bernie nodded, moving from the bed back over to the chair and pulling her feet up tightly underneath her. She realised fairly quickly that it was not a comfortable place to sleep, but it would have to do.

“Don’t think for a second that you’re sleeping on that chair, your back will be wrecked by morning,” Serena motioned with her head to the other side of the bed, “Get in.”

Bernie debated protesting and trying to find a comfortable space on the floor but her body ached with tiredness and she conceded, moving around to the other side of the bed and climbing under the covers as Serena flicked off the light.

Bernie realised, as Serena slipped off her trousers and joined Bernie under the duvet, how odd it felt to share a bed with someone again. Even in the last months of her marriage she had been sleeping in the spare room, and in the army she had only had her tiny bunk. It felt comforting not to be alone. 

Serena shifted in the bed as she tried to get comfortable, her toes brushing up against Bernie’s as she did so. Bernie half-expected her to move away but instead Serena whispered good night, leaving her warm feet pressed gently against Bernie’s.

“Good night.” Bernie replied, feeling her muscles relax into the soft mattress, sleep overcoming her body within seconds.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments make me smile, thank you. Hope you're all having a great weekend.
> 
> I'll try and update this again mid-week. :)

**Chapter Three**

Bernie awoke the next morning to the soft sounds of typing. She opened her eyes to see sun pouring through the window, Serena perched on the windowsill, laptop resting on her lap and a look of concentration on her face. 

Bernie lay there, messily wrapped in the duvet, limbs poking out from under the thick material, a smile on her face as she watched Serena work. Bernie noticed Serena’s hair was slightly damp from showering, and she was dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a very colourful floral shirt Bernie had never seen her wear at work before. Her bare feet were resting on the chair Bernie had tried to sleep on last night before Serena had asked her to join her in bed.

Just the thought of them having shared a bed last night made Bernie’s stomach do a somersault, despite how innocent the situation had been. Bernie remembered waking briefly in the night, was sure Serena had had her arms wrapped around her body, pulling her close as they slept. She tried to dismiss the thought as fantasy but the memory of their bodies close was more than real, she was sure of it.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Bernie’s thoughts were broken as Serena smiled over at her.

“Hey.” Bernie replied, her voice a little groggy from sleep.

“Coffee?” Serena had already placed her computer down and put the kettle on.

“Thanks,” Bernie shifted in the bed to sit up, running her hands through her hair to try and tame it a little, “What time is it?”

“Ten am. I couldn’t bring myself to wake you, you looked so peaceful.” Serena poured Bernie’s coffee and headed over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and passing the mug over to her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep for so long.” Bernie took a sip of the coffee. It was cheap instant stuff, not like the espresso they were used to from Pulses, but it was caffeine and Bernie was grateful.

Serena reached out, brushing Bernie’s hair away from her forehead, “You’ve got a nice bruise developing there,” she pulled the plaster away to take a look underneath, “the cut is healing nicely though. Just be careful in the shower, hmm?”

Bernie replied with a smile, not wanting to move her head to nod incase it prompted Serena to move her fingers away from Bernie’s skin.“Were you working?” She changed the subject. 

Serena nodded, her fingers taking one last gentle stroke of Bernie’s hair before falling to her side. “I was preparing our slides for the conference. We’ve got a thirty minute slot, I thought we could take ten minutes each, and then have time for some questions.”

“You’re better at this sort of thing than I am,” Bernie took a gulp of the drink before placing it down on the bedside table closest to her. “Powerpoint presentations didn’t come up very often in the field.”

Serena chuckled, “No, I don’t suppose they did,” she moved off the bed, taking her place on the windowsill again, “you should get a shower. Breakfast is only served downstairs for another hour."

 

* * *

 

Bernie was pleased that the only breakfast on offer was fried food and strong coffee. Her stomach had begun to rumble as soon as she got out of bed, and by the time she and Serena were sat in the small dining area downstairs she was ravenous. 

“I’ll have the full english please.” Bernie held the laminated menu in her hands as the owner of the B&B that they had met last night took their order.

Serena pursed her lips, “Just some toast for me please.”

The woman nodded and left the women alone.

Bernie looked at her inquisitively. “No bacon? sausage? black pudding?”

“Not all of us are blessed with such fast metabolisms. If I were to eat a full english breakfast I’d put on weight within seconds and I’ve quite enough of that as it is.” Serena sipped her coffee.

“Nonsense, you’re—“ Bernie felt herself come to a screeching halt at the words her brain had formed that she had so nearly spoken out loud.

_Beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Sexy as hell. A fucking goddess._

“You’re… well… there’s nothing wrong with you.” Bernie felt her cheeks burn as she blushed. If she could have crawled under the table and died there she would have done.

Bernie was sure she saw a flash of disappointment or hurt in Serena’s eyes but the moment was interrupted as Serena’s toast was brought over with a selection of tiny pots of jam.

“Do you think your car is okay?” Serena asked as she chose the blackcurrant jam and spread it over a slice of toast.

“I’m sure it’s completely wrecked,” Bernie replied, “they’ll basically be towing it to a scrapyard.”

Serena offered her a sympathetic smile.

“I’m just grateful that neither of us were hurt.”

“The bruise on your head says otherwise.”

“It could have been so much worse.” Bernie felt guilt creep through her body again at the memory of how the car had spun and spun and she had been utterly powerless to stop it. It was only blind luck that had stopped Serena from being hurt.

After breakfast, Serena suggested they take a walk in the sunshine. Bernie had agreed, at a loss for things to do in the middle of nowhere. She thought to herself that she should be giving Serena a tour of Edinburgh castle this morning and trying to impress her with her very few memorised facts about the building from the guided tour she had taken Charlotte and Cameron on when they were young. 

Serena seemed fairly confident in a route as they left the B&B, having spoken to the woman who owned the B&B as Bernie had nipped up to their room to brush her teeth. 

“I told Maggie, the woman who runs the B&B, that we were going for a walk, she’s put something together for us for lunch.” Serena explained, holding up a small cooler bag that she was carrying in one hand. 

“Blimey, you can get what you like with a bit of Serena Campbell charm, hm?” Bernie teased. She had witnessed first hand how the staff at Holby were like putty in Serena’s hands, eager to give her whatever she wanted. 

“I’ll have you know I can still turn a head, even a woman’s.” Serena winked. 

“I don’t doubt it.” Bernie replied, feeling a pang of jealousy that Serena had found herself an admirer.

They walked together in comfortable silence, following a trail close to the B&B that ran alongside a gently flowing stream.After a little while they found a clearing that overlooked some of the rolling hills of the countryside around them and took a spot on the grass, both laid on their backs, propped up on their elbows and soaking up in the heat of the sun. 

“Did Cameron get discharged okay yesterday? I didn’t get a chance to get out onto the ward much yesterday with all the paperwork Henrik needed from me.” Serena asked. 

Bernie nodded, she had discharged him just before Hanssen had spoken to them about the conference. Cameron had promised to call her as she had walked him out to a taxi but she doubted he would. He’d tried to make amends with her as they had sat on his hospital bed, had asked her to open up to him about Alex, and about Serena, and Bernie had done neither. Her opportunity to become closer to her son had been so close and she had pushed it away, too afraid to take the chance that he might accept her for who she was. What relationship did they have if she was going to constantly keep lying to him? What kind of friendship did she ever think she could hold on to with Serena if she was going to keep lying to her too? 

“Serena, I meant to say, about the other day with Cameron,” Bernie started, knowing her apology the other night hadn’t been enough, she owed Serena more. “I really am sorry. I would hate for you to think I didn’t appreciate the ward, or appreciate you.” Bernie picked at the daises around her, nervously rolling them between her fingers, unable to meet Serena’s eye.

“I know you value what we’ve worked for,” Serena replied, “and I know you would never intentionally set out to hurt me, Bernie, it’s just… I want you to be able to tell me things. We’re meant to be friends, and after you lied to me about why your marriage broke down and then you lied to me about the crash, I guess I still feel a little in the dark about you.”

Bernie was silent. She had kept Serena at a distance just like Cameron and Charlotte, as much as she desperately wanted to do otherwise. 

“Unless you don’t want to tell me those sorts of things? Maybe I’ve misunderstood our friendship?”

“No, no,” Bernie replied quickly, “I want you to know who I am.” She met Serena’s gaze, feeling her heart hammer in her chest at the intensity of their conversation. She really did want Serena to know her, felt she did already know her better than anyone, but she had lied repeatedly and the lack of trust was completely warranted.

They shared a moment’s silence, both letting the dust settle a little on their words. 

“Okay,” Serena’s smile lightened the mood. “How about I ask you something, anything I like, and then you can ask me anything you like in return?”

Bernie let out a small laugh at the mischievous glint in Serena’s eye but nodded in agreement, curious as to what Serena would ask. 

“What happened to the woman you met in the army? Alex, was it?”

Bernie was surprised at Serena’s topic of choice, couldn't understand why she would care, but she answered nonetheless. “She came to Holby to find me but I was still trying to make things work with Marcus,” the words felt strange on Bernie’s tongue. She hadn’t ever really spoken about Alex to anyone. “She couldn’t deal with me still hiding who I was, and to be fair I wasn’t dealing with it very well either … she said to call her when I’d sorted things out but I never did.” Bernie’s heart felt heavy at her words. She had loved Alex, in ways more than she had ever loved Marcus,. 

“Why?”

_Because I met you._

“Ah, no. One question each! Don’t try and sneak in extra questions, I’m onto your game, Ms Campbell.” Bernie waggled her finger at Serena. 

Serena rolled her eyes, a playful smile tugging at her lips, “Go on then, ask me.”

“What did Hanssen mean yesterday when he said you had asked him for a lot?” The question had been on Bernie’s mind ever since it had happened, but it had quickly become the least of her worries. Now, however, she was eager to find out.

Bernie watched as Serena blushed, looking out to the horizon uncomfortably. Not wanting to make Serena feel awkward,Bernie debated jumping in and asking something different but Serena started to reply just before she could open her mouth to retract her question. 

“As you know the trauma unit was something I proposed to Henrik. You showed me how well we could respond to multi-casualty incidents by changing how we triaged patients, and I knew with better infrastructure in place we could support that long term. The thing is that wasn’t my only motivation for asking for the funding.” Serena explained, before pausing and letting out a little breath as she furrowed her brow, the words not coming to her easily. “Despite things being tough for you over the last few months you’ve always had my back when I needed you, even when I’ve been unbearable. I wanted to find a way to say thank you for being there for me, to give you the trauma unit as a sort of gift.”

Bernie felt her heart stop dead in her chest and her breath catch in her lungs. The trauma unit was a present to her? All those late nights Serena put in to writing business cases and setting up the equipment had all been for her? 

Serena cringed, “I’m sorry, it sounds awfully trite, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all,” Bernie reached out, placing her hand atop of Serena’s on the grass, “I’m really touched, actually.” The feeling of Serena’s skin under her fingertips sent tingles across Bernie’s arm and she retracted her hand, going back to pulling grass and small flowers from the ground. 

Conversation turned to sharing light-hearted stories from AAU, laughing over weird patients they’d treated together, and planning for the future of the trauma unit. Occasionally conversation would still between them and they would lay back to enjoy in the sun and the sound of the babbling river and chirping birds nearby. Bernie couldn’t remember the last time she’d been somewhere so peaceful. 

Eventually they shared the lunch Maggie had packed for them before Serena had gone back to the B&B, saying she needed to work more on her slides. Bernie had said she would join her soon, wanted to spend a bit of time by herself first. Serena had looked concerned but agreed, heading back to the B&B alone. 

Bernie let a deep breath leave her body as she looked out over the rolling hills on the horizon. Things with Serena seemed both so wonderful and yet so complicated. She felt for the first time that the damage she had done to their friendship over Cameron’s crash had been repaired, and the last 12 hours had brought them closer than ever, but that in itself had made their relationship more difficult. 

Bernie’s unrequited feelings for her best friend were painful. She felt so close to Serena and yet she yearned for something more. She wondered how Serena would react if she confessed how she felt. She imagined Serena offering her sympathy and apologies for not feeling the same way, trying to act like nothing between them was any different but eventually drifting away from her. Bernie anticipated the embarrassment of the situation would be enough to make her want to move away from AAU entirely. 

_But how wonderful it could be if she felt the same way._

Bernie’s thoughts teased her with the possibility. All those shared gazes over glasses of Shiraz in Albie’s, the back rubs, the little touches between them when passing each other patient notes or coffee, Serena gifting her an entire trauma unit.

_Maybe, just maybe._

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Bernie scolded herself out loud. What was she even thinking? Falling in love with a straight woman could never result in a happy ending. Could it? 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in posting this - I had to rewrite some parts quite a bit and it just didn't feel right, but I think it's okay now (I hope so).
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter than the others have been but I am determined to update again this week and chapter 5 will be much longer. :) 
> 
> As ever your comments and kudos are amazing. I love that all the berena fans on AO3 are so supportive of each other. Thanks <3

**Chapter Four**

When Bernie had arrived back at the B&B that afternoon, Maggie had offered to make her and Serena dinner that evening, had said she was making meals for the other few guests and it would be no bother. Bernie had agreed, thankful for Maggie’s kindness. 

Serena and Bernie joined the other guests in the dining room that evening, dispersed in couples across the room. They chose to sit at the same table as breakfast, running over their presentation notes before Maggie served their meals - a generous portion each of lasagne and salad. Much to Serena’s delight, Maggie even served their dinner with a bottle of Shiraz.

“Elinor currently has this _horrendous_ boyfriend, with piercings all over his face. She thinks he’s wonderful, but when I met him he could barely string a sentence together.” Serena rolled her eyes. Conversation had moved away from work and onto the love lives of their children as they finished their dinner. 

“Maybe he was just nervous around you.” Bernie could empathise. She struggled to think of a time she hadn’t been even just a little bit nervous around Serena - nerves that often led to her stuttering and umm-ing her way through their conversations together. 

“Oh please.” Serena replied, letting out a small laugh.

“Do you not think about dating?” Bernie asked, curiosity getting the better of her. The idea of Serena meeting someone made her heart ache. 

“Someone who understands Jason _and_ the importance of my work? Robbie certainly couldn’t get his head around that,” she shrugged. “Maybe I’ve just been looking for love in the wrong place.”

The flash of intensity in Serena’s gaze sent a shot of desire right across Bernie’s body, culminating between her thighs and making her blush. “Perhaps you should broaden your horizons… you might like what you find.” Bernie quickly reached for her wine glass, gulping the red liquid quickly at her boldness of her words.

The air between them seemed thick with tension and Serena held Bernie’s gaze as she sipped her own wine.Almost to Bernie’s relief, Maggie appeared to take their plates, breaking the moment between them.

Bernie could feel her heart fluttering in her chest, her palms were sweating and her throb between her legs intense. Her mind flashed with images of Serena’s mouth between her legs and she felt her cheeks redden, her breath shallow as she realised Serena’s eyes were still on her. 

The silence between them seemed to only make things worse as Serena’s gaze persisted. Surely Serena’s medical knowledge was extensive enough to recognise arousal. If she did recognise it, she was making no effort to reduce Bernie’s symptoms.

After a few minutes Maggie brought out pudding - a single portion of tiramisu with two spoons. “Bon appétit!” She had smiled before leaving the two women to stare at the pudding in silence. 

Bernie looked around the room - everyone else in the room was obviously a couple, feet brushing under the tables and hands joined - they all had the same shared dessert and were happily tucking in.“You have it.” She eventually offered.

Serena shook her head. “We can share it.”

Bernie expected Serena to cut it in half, split the pudding across the plate, but instead Serena scooped up a little of the dessert on her spoon and offered it across the table to Bernie.

Bernie paused at the offer for the slightest second, as if to double-check Serena’s intentions were as they seemed. There was a seriousness in Serena's eyes that made Bernie’s skin tingle. The spoon remained offered to her and she took it in her mouth.

The dessert was obviously homemade and tasted amazing, Bernie couldn’t help but let out a hum of delight at the taste, noticing a flicker of something unreadable in Serena’s expression as she did so. Bernie released the spoon from her lips and Serena took her own taste, a satisfied smile appearing on her lips as she prepared another spoonful for Bernie.

They shared in dessert in complete silence, barely taking their eyes off of each other. Bernie allowed Serena to control the situation entirely, trying not to let herself wonder if Serena was as dominant in bed as she was when it came to dessert. The thought of being pinned down and under Serena’s control made her pulse quicken.

“That was nice.” Serena spoke, her voice almost a whisper as Bernie finished the last spoonful. 

Bernie found herself unable to form words, offering only a small nod in response. Her body ached for Serena.

Once Maggie had cleared their plate and empty wine glasses they headed back to their room. Bernie quickly brushed her teeth before letting Serena use the bathroom, using the privacy to strip off her jeans, bra and shirt and slide into bed in her knickers and vest. 

Butterflies increased in Bernie’s stomach as Serena left the bathroom, flicking off the light and heading over. Through the moonlight that partially lit the room, she caught a glimpse of Serena’s lace-trimmed black nightgown before Serena joined her under the covers.

Serena turned to lay on her side with her back to Bernie, allowing Bernie’s eyes to trace over the expanse of skin that the back of Serena’s nightgown displayed, her attention falling on a scattering of thin white scars across her back, neck and shoulders.

Without thinking Bernie reached out, her fingers tracing one of the scars, trying to make sense of the marks on Serena’s skin that she had never seen before.

“My mother’s reminder to me that life can be terrifying and lonely.” Serena spoke quietly, her words stilling Bernie’s movements. “In a way I’m glad she never realised what she did, she would have been horrified.”

Bernie dropped her fingers from Serena’s back, moving her hand tentatively across Serena’s waist. She knew no words could offer support, she hadn’t known Serena’s mother and could be no judge of what had occurred, but she wanted to be close to her, to physically share the burden of Serena’s painful memories if she could. 

Bernie felt nervous as her fingers slid across the soft material of Serena’s nightgown, unsure if her touch would be appreciated or rejected. Her fingers had just reached Serena’s stomach before Serena’s fingers entwined with hers, pulling Bernie’s hand across her body to bring her close behind her. The intensity they had shared over dinner had dissipated, replaced by the comfort in which Serena seemed to seek and that Bernie was only too willing to give.

Bernie rested her head softly against Serena’s back as their bodies seemed to relax against each other. Legs brushed against legs under the covers and Serena’s thumb stroked against the back of Bernie’s hand as she held it tight in her own. 

Serena let out a slow, shuddering breathe and Bernie held her a little tighter. “I’m here now.” She reassured softly.

“I can’t remember the last time someone held me like this.” Serena whispered, only just audible despite the silence that surrounded them.

Bernie’s lips fell to press a featherlight kiss on Serena’s back, feeling their heartbeats gradually slow as they both drifted off to sleep. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this has taken me forever. I've been writing it bit by bit every night and finally I've got to a point where it's postable (I hope!). Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I don't have anyone to peer-review this so I'm going purely on my own checking. 
> 
> The reaction I've had to this fic has been so, so lovely. Thank you.
> 
> I'm hoping to get the last chapter up much quicker than I wrote this one, boring life responsibilities permitting. :)

**Chapter Five**

Bernie awoke that morning to feeling of Serena’s warm body against her, her front still pressed into Serena’s back. Her hand was still under the covers but had moved from Serena’s stomach and was now resting on the top of Serena’s bare thigh, her nightdress having ridden up a little in the night. 

Bernie’s body still ached with the want she had felt for Serena last night. She was sure she could feel the edge of Serena’s knickers under her fingertips and she bit back a moan at the thought of Serena waking to guide her hand under the material and to the apex of her thighs.

Her thoughts were broken by the sound of a car horn outside and she bolted from the bed to the window, seeing the breakdown truck outside and a man staring up at the windows of the building. She waved down to the man, signalling that she would be a couple of minutes. She couldn’t believe Sunday morning had come around so quickly.

Bernie turned from the window to get herself dressed, only to see Serena had woken up and was laid in the bed, a darkness in her eyes as she stared at Bernie’s body. She felt herself blush at how little she was wearing - her low rise black shorts and thin white vest leaving little to the imagination in the daylight that filled the room. 

Desire coiled in her tummy as she watched as Serena’s eyes moved up her body, eventually meeting her gaze and holding it with an intensity that made Bernie’s knees feel weak. Serena eventually diverted her eyes to the window, releasing Bernie from her spot on the floor.

“The breakdown assistance guy is here to drive me out to get my car.” Bernie explained, grabbing a jumper and jeans, pulling them on over her clothes and tying her hair into a messy ponytail. She realised as she dressed that her hands were shaking, such was the effect Serena had had on her. “I shouldn’t be long.”

“Shall I come with you?” Serena met her eyes once again now Bernie was dressed.

“No, no need. Grab some breakfast.” Bernie smiled. Pushing her feet into her trainers she headed out of the room and down to meet the man outside.

The drive to her crashed car took only a few minutes, a vast difference from the long walk Bernie and Serena had endured in the middle of the night not so long ago. She felt a mixture of guilt and horror fill her body at the sight of her car at the side of the road, the front of it completely crumpled into a large oak tree. 

“Surprised you got out of this without any serious injury,” the breakdown man, who had introduced himself as Dave, raised his eyebrows at the sight, “it’s a total write-off I’m afraid.”

“Thought as much.” Bernie sighed. 

“My colleague is driving over your hire car now, it should be at the bed and breakfast by the time I drop you back off.” He explained.

Bernie handed over her driving licence and Dave ran some checks with on his tablet to confirm Bernie was the owner of the car. He took a short statement from her for the insurance claim and she helped reverse what was left of the car onto the back of the tow truck. 

“You said you swerved to avoid a deer - what happened to it?” Dave asked as they climbed back into the tow truck. 

“It ran off.” Bernie tried not to sound bitter but thinking back she gladly would have driven into the damn thing if it had meant avoiding the crash. 

He let out a short laugh, “Life is weird, huh? One minute you’re driving along minding your own business…”  
  
_and the next, you’re letting Serena Campbell feed you dessert and spending the night with her in your arms_

Bernie bit her lip at the thought. The memory of how Serena’s eyes had raked over her body this morning made her stomach do somersaults.

Dave pulled the tow truck up alongside the bed and breakfast and motioned with his head over to man stood in the car park, resting against the bonnet of a car. “The hire company wanted to apologise for the delay in getting a car out to you so they’ve sent out one of their best. Just give ‘em a call when you’re ready to get it picked up again, your insurance lets you keep it for up to 3 weeks.”

Bernie gave Dave her thanks and jumped from the high-seated vehicle, heading over to the other guy.

“You’re a lucky lady, this is an absolute dream to drive.” The guy chucked Bernie the keys as he passed her to take her place in Dave’s tow truck, leaving the car in full sight. 

Bernie nearly choked on air at the sight of the black Porsche 911 in front of her. Only having driven a Porsche once before as a birthday gift experience from the kids, just the memory of how it had driven made Bernie’s body fill with adrenaline. Resisting the urge to take it for a spin now, she headed back into the b&b and showered, dressing in a black shirt and skinny jeans, before joining Serena for breakfast. 

_“_ Everything okay?” Serena asked as she poured Bernie a coffee from the cafetiere on their table.

“More than.” Bernie couldn’t hide the smile on her face.

“Got something to share, Ms Wolfe?” 

“Our hire car is a Porsche!” Bernie grinned. 

Serena rolled her eyes. “What is it with you and cars?” 

“You’ll understand once you’re in it.” Bernie replied simply. 

* * *

 

“We’ve had a wonderful stay, despite the circumstances of our arrival.” Serena handed Maggie the key to their room.

“Glad to hear it.” Maggie smiled.

“I’m going to try and fit my case into your swish new car,” Serena reached out, brushing Bernie’s arm with her fingers lightly, “see you outside?”

“I’ll just settle up for the meals and I’ll be out.” Bernie smiled.

There was a moment’s silence as Maggie totted up the cost of Serena and Bernie’s food during their stay, until she looked up at Bernie and smiled. “She loves you.”

“What?” Bernie asked, frowning. Had she misheard?

“Serena. She’s in love with you. I hope you don’t mind me saying, I just can see it in the way she looks at you.”

“We’re just friends.” Bernie shook her head, trying to not let the disappointment in her voice come through.

“I’ve been there too, with my best friend.”

Bernie was silent, urging Maggie to continue.

“I was never brave enough to tell her how I felt until she found a lump… terminal cancer. It turned out we’d both been hiding our feelings for each for years. Six weeks later she passed away in my arms,” Maggie let out a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly, “I still think about all that time we could have had together, if we’d been true to ourselves and each other sooner, rather than being afraid.” 

Bernie reached out, softly placing her hand atop of Maggie’s in the hope of providing her some comfort. 

“You should talk to her, Bernie. You never know when it’ll be too late.” 

 

* * *

 

Driving the Porsche was everything Bernie had hoped it would be - her heart had thumped madly in her chest throughout their drive, her body filled with adrenaline from the acceleration and handling of the car. Even Serena had looked as though she was enjoying it, despite the whitening of her knuckles as she held onto her seat.

Bernie had tried to use the time to think over Maggie’s words, little conversation passing between her and Serena as sounds of Radio 4 had filled the car.Had Maggie seen something that Bernie hadn’t?

Her relationship with Serena had certainly changed over the last 12 hours, it no longer felt like they were _just_ friends, their relationship had become indescribable and complicated, but Serena wasn’t in love with her, was she?Bernie allowed her thoughts to play with the idea - Serena had been the one to offer to feed Bernie dessert last night, had been the one to pull her close in bed, had stared at her so boldly this morning.

_“Serena. She’s in love with you. It’s obvious from the way she looks at you.”_

Maggie’s words repeated in Bernie’s mind. Serena. In love with her. 

By the time they hit the outskirts of Edinburgh, hope fluttered wildly in Bernie’s chest. She parked the car up in a pub car park, asked if Serena could get her a shiraz, saying she would join her inside in a minute.

Pulling her mobile phone from the back pocket of her jeans, Bernie rested against the side of the car, her hands shaking a little at the nerves she already felt at the plan forming in her mind. 

She had to tell Serena how she felt tonight.Maggie had lost so much from hiding her feelings. Bernie refused to risk the same thing happening to her relationship with Serena. It was time to stop being afraid. 

Bernie reminded herself that it had only been a couple of days ago that Serena had said she wanted her to be more open, had wanted her to be honest. At least by confessing her feelings, Bernie would finally be truthful with Serena. 

Bernie knew once her feelings were finally spoken she would be at Serena’s mercy, her heart entirely open and vulnerable to someone else for the first time. It would be up to Serena what happened after that. 

Bernie took a deep breath and pressed the ‘call’ button on her phone. 

* * *

 

“Shiraz, Ms Wolfe.” Serena handed Bernie a large glass of wine as Bernie joined her at the bar.

“Thank you.” Bernie smiled, following Serena over to a small round table with two chairs.

  
The pub was very much not like Albie’s - it had an ornamental deco-style bar, high ceilings and large windows. Other than a few small groups sharing lunch it was fairly quiet and Bernie was thankful they had been lucky to find such a calming place to be considering how nervous she was feeling. 

The tension between them that had formed last night over dinner was still there. Bernie could feel the intensity between them as gazes lasted a little longer than they should and legs faintly touched under the table as they sat closer together than was necessary. 

“Do you have anywhere in mind to stay tonight?” Serena asked, sipping her wine.

“I thought we might take a trip first,” Bernie tried to sound casual about the idea but desperately hoped Serena agreed. She didn’t have a plan B.

“Oh do tell.”

“Um, it’s kind of a surprise. Is that okay?” Bernie blushed, glancing at Serena through her fringe, hearing the anxiety in her voice as she spoke. 

“Of course,” Serena reached out, her fingers stroking across Bernie’s leg before her palm settling on her knee, giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze. “Are you okay, Bern? You seem nervous.”

“Fine… j-just tired.” The feeling of Serena’s hand on her leg made her mind come to screeching halt. 

“Did you not sleep well?” 

“I slept fine.”

“Me too.” A smile pulled at the corner of Serena’s mouth. She moved her hand away from Bernie’s knee and back to her wine glass. 

“Nice shiraz.” Bernie commented, trying to steer conversation away from how well she had slept next to Serena.

“Not as good as that bottle you bought me for my birthday last year, do you remember it? Urgh, it was better than sex!”

“If wine is better than sex you need to be having better sex.” Bernie smiled. 

“Ah touché.” Serena laughed. “Although I think if I was going to have found shiraz-beating sex I’d have found it by now.”

“That’s what I thought until I met Alex.” 

There was a slight pause between the two women and Bernie stared down at the wine glass in her hand, unsure if her extramarital lesbian affair was appropriate for casual conversation. 

“Are you proposing I sleep with a woman, Bernie?” Serena asked. Her tone humorous but her eyes full of curiosity. 

Bernie felt her cheeks burn as she blushed furiously. Panic built up inside her as she tried to think of a way to answer other than _I’d give you such a good fucking you’d forget how to even spell shiraz._ Relief filled Bernie’s body as their conversation was interrupted by the barman approaching their table.

“Two ploughman sandwiches?” he asked, plates of food in hands.

“I ordered some food,” Serena explained, “I hope that’s okay?”

Bernie nodded silently. 

* * *

 

The drive from the pub was quiet and tense. Bernie too nervous that Serena would hate her idea and Serena engrossed in the scenery around them as they drove through Edinburgh and north towards the coast.

Eventually, Bernie felt her heart in her throat as she turned off the car engine in the harbour car park. “We’re here.” She announced. 

They both looked out over the moored collection of yachts and fishing boats in the harbour, lit in shades of purples and pinks by the last of the setting sun.

"Where exactly is _here,_ Bernie?” Serena asked.

"I thought we'd see Scotland by boat..." Bernie trailed off, suddenly filled with the awful feeling that Serena hated the idea. She didn’t even know if she liked boats. 

"A boat trip?" The grin that appeared on Serena's lips made Bernie's heart soar.

She nodded, "Come on, I'll show you."

The two-deck yacht Bernie led Serena to was so white it shone, a blue name engraved on the side read ‘Bloodhound’. 

“Odd name for a boat.” Serena looked at Bernie quizzically.

“It’s my friend Tim’s. His tank was called Bloodhound when we served together… it got hit and I pulled him out, gave him CPR on the side of the road—”  
  
“Saved my life, she did!” A man called out and Bernie and Serena both looked up from the jetty to see Tim leant over the side of the yacht. “Come on up!” he waved.

Bernie boarded the yacht before turning back to face Serena. ”Careful, it's a bit of a leap." She held out her hand.

Serena looked up cautiously from the gap between land and the boat, the space increasing and decreasing in size as the boat moved gently in the water. She took Bernie's offered hand tightly, making the jump and safely landing with both feet inside the yacht.

"Not so bad, hmm?" Bernie asked.

Serena replied with a smile, and much to Bernie's joy, kept hold of her hand as they climbed the small steps up the main deck to meet Tim.

Bernie was surprised to see Tim had aged in the two years since she had last seen him, only just recognisable now he was no longer covered in sand or blood, his smile relaxed and genuine. His dark hair was messy and his shorts and t-shirt un-ironed, a stark change from the army uniform she had only ever seen him in before. 

“How’s my favourite army medic?” Tim asked, shaking Bernie’s hand. He smiled warmly at Serena and shook her hand too. 

“Great. Thanks for doing this for us.”

“I told you when you saved my life that day that I owed you. I expected you’d ask for something a bit more fancy than a sail around Scottish waters though.” he smiled.

“No no, it’s perfect.” Bernie smiled. 

“Everything you need is on the top deck” Tim replied, “just shout if you need anything else.”

Bernie led Serena up some steps to the top of the yacht to a large, cream seating area that was built into the curve of the deck. On a small nearby table sat a bottle of champagne on ice, with glasses and small picnic basket of olives, cheese, cold meats and cakes. 

“What’s all this for?” Serena asked, her expression warm as she looked at Bernie. 

“To celebrate our trauma unit,” Bernie smiled, “and because I want treat you.” 

“Well you’ll hear no complaints from me.” Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand gently.

“Take a seat, I’ll open the champagne.” Bernie let go of Serena’s hand, taking the bottle from its ice bucket and popping the cork. She poured two glasses before joining Serena on the large seating area. 

The motor of the boat kicked in and soon they were leaving the harbour and setting out to sea. When Bernie had spoken to Tim on the phone earlier she’d asked if he could take them along the coast and out to sea for a bit, promising they wouldn’t need more than a few hours, maybe less time if Serena reacted badly to the conversation Bernie was now dreading.

“To us.” Serena raised her glass to Bernie’s.

“To us.” Bernie clinked the crystal together.

Us. What did that even mean? What _would_ it mean?

Serena let out a sigh as she looked out across the water, "Bernie, this is beautiful.”

Bernie allowed herself to glance at Serena, to rake her eyes over Serena’s white linen trousers and light blue shirt before finally settling on her face. Her big brown eyes, red lips and slightly wind-ruffled hair. She was stunning.

Bernie took a sip of her champagne, rehearsing the lines she had practiced in her head that afternoon.

“Penny for them?”

“Hmm?” Bernie asked, realising she had drifted off into her mind.

“Your thoughts?Are you okay, Bernie? You seem a little lost in your own head today.”

“Just…” Bernie sighed. Feeling courage build up inside her before disappearing again. Perhaps another glass of wine would help her get the words out. She got up to take the bottle from the table, bringing it back to the seating and topping Serena’s glass up.

“Trying to get me drunk?” 

“You do a perfectly good job of that on your own most of the time.” Bernie teased.

“Cheeky. I’ll have you know if it wasn’t for my partner in crime I wouldn’t be in Albie’s half the time.”

“Don’t pretend like I’m the reason you go to the pub, Serena.” Bernie topped her own glass up before placing the bottle down on the wooden flooring of the deck.

“Maybe it is. Maybe I like spending time with you.”

“Maybe I like spending time with you too.” Bernie replied, the atmosphere between them intensifying a little more as they held each other's gaze. 

Serena smiled, “and I certainly wouldn’t have shared a bed with Ric Griffin.” 

“I think he would be quite disappointed to hear that.” Bernie laughed.

“I think he might as well.” 

Bernie smirked, imaging Ric’s face if he ever found out they’d spent the last two nights together. She doubted he ever would but the thought amused her. “Fancy something to eat?” She grabbed the picnic basket and started to unpack the small wicker box.

They shared the food and the rest of the champagne together in a comfortable silence, occasionally pointing out an unusual bird that crossed their path as the boat joined the ocean, only just visible in what little sunlight remained. 

Serena lay back, looking up at the clear night sky. “I wish we got skies like this at Holby.”

Bernie lay back too, “Oh we do, sort of. If you go up to the roof you can see them.”

“I’m not sure I would be able to see them through your plumes of cigarette smoke.” Serena turned her head to smile at Bernie mischievously.

“I’ve given up!”

Serena looked unconvinced.

"Would I lie to you?” There was an uncomfortable silence between them as they both looked back up at the sky. She had lied, repeatedly. "I won't lie to you again, Serena, I promise.” Bernie sought out Serena's hand anxiously, lacing their fingers together as she stared up at the night sky.

“Please be honest with me now then, Bernie,” Serena's voice was quiet and unsteady, “and tell me how you feel about me."

Bernie's fingers left Serena's as she propped herself up on her elbow to look at Serena. The soft lights from the boat providing enough light to see the nervousness in Serena's eyes.

Words didn't seem enough. No sentence could convey how Bernie felt about her. Not a lifetime of words would be able to express the depth of her feelings. She felt her heart hamming in her body like it was about to explode, her breath caught in her lungs and her stomach knotted as she leant down to capture Serena's lips with her own.

Their kiss was feather-light, barely there, as Bernie filled with doubt. Was this the right thing to do? What if Serena pushed her away?

She was surprised to feel Serena deepen the kiss, snaking her arm around Bernie's waist to pull her closer. Bernie moaned as her tongue met with Serena's, their kiss quickly turning urgent.

Serena's soft moans made desire coil in Bernie's stomach and she had to find some restraint to let Serena lead, not wanting to overwhelm her. Her kisses moved down to Serena's jaw and neck, her teeth grazing against Serena's jugular with just enough pressure to leave a mark.

“Fuck… Bernie.” Serena cried out, pulling Bernie atop of her.

Bernie slid a thigh between Serena's legs, placing her hands either side of Serena's waist to use the surface below them for leverage as she pushed her hips forward to meet Serena's. Serena's thigh pressed between Bernie's legs, the pressure exquisite as Bernie ground against her.

She ran her tongue up Serena's neck, past the mark she has left with her teeth and to her earlobe, biting the soft skin gently. "Do you want me to fuck you?" She breathed against her ear.

“I _need_ you to fuck me." Serena growled, her hands moving from Bernie's back down to her jeans, pulling her closer as the pace of their hips increased, months of built up want being released into a feverish and hungry meeting of hands and mouths, as though they were each other’s oxygen, both finally able to breathe. 

Serena moved a hand from Bernie’s backside, around to the small gap between their bodies. Her fingers slid under the material of Bernie’s shirt, stroking at her stomach before delving down inside Bernie’s jeans and knickers, only just reaching Bernie’s curls before Bernie stopped her.

Bernie berated herself silently for her self-control, desperate to come apart against Serena’s hand. She pulled Serena’s fingers out from her jeans and pressed a kiss against them. "Not here,” she whispered, ”I want to see you, Serena.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! I've really enjoyed writing this and enjoyed reading your comments even more. I feel a little sad to end this story here, but hopefully I'll be writing something new soon.
> 
> Thank you so, so much for reading this. I will treasure the responses that I've had. 
> 
> Oh and also, please note the rating change! :)

**Chapter Six**

The drive from the harbour to a nearby hotel felt agonising as Serena’s fingers stroked over the inside of Bernie’s thigh as she drove, her lips meeting Bernie’s neck or ear whenever they pulled up at a red light. By the time they were stood in the hotel lobby Bernie could feel her entire body throbbing with want Serena, stood by her side at reception, their fingers laced together tightly.

“Hi. Can I help?” The man behind the reception desk looked up from his computer and smiled. 

“We’d like a room, please.” Serena smiled at the man behind the reception desk.

“Just the one room?” he asked.

“Yes.” Serena replied, her gaze moving to take in Bernie’s body briefly before turning her attention back to the receptionist, unaware that Bernie was struggling to stay standing at the hunger that had flickered in Serena’s eyes as she had looked over at her.

Serena paid for the room and led Bernie through the corridors of the lavish hotel, a stark change from the dated, simple decor of the bed and breakfast in which they had spent the last two nights. 

The hotel room door had only just clicked shut behind them as Bernie pushed Serena up against the nearest wall of their room, lips meeting fiercely as Bernie’s hands slid under Serena’s shirt, revelling in the feeling of Serena’s bare skin beneath her fingertips.

Serena's hands moved between the small space that remained between them, fumbling with Bernie's shirt buttons blindly, eventually pushing Bernie's shirt from her shoulders and to the floor.

Serena pulled away from the kiss, turning her attention to Bernie’s chest as she brushed her fingers lightly over Bernie's hardened nipples, evident through the lace of her bralette. Serena’s hands continued down, skimming over her stomach and sliding in to the top of her jeans, pulling her towards the double bed in the middle of the room. “You said you wanted to see me…”She pushed a single finger into Bernie’s shoulder, forcing Bernie to sit down on the bed behind her.

Bernie stayed silent she watched Serena’s fingers move over her shirt as she stood in front of Bernie, a small table lamp casting the room in enough light for Bernie to see Serena start to slowly unbutton her shirt. The sight of Serena undressing before her made Bernie’s mouth water and despite herself she moaned as Serena slowly parted the fabric of her shirt, revealing a crimson silk plunge bra.

“Do you like what you see, Ms Wolfe?" she asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Yes.” Bernie breathed, meeting Serena’s eyes briefly before moving down to where Serena was now unbuttoning her trousers.

Serena pushed her trousers from her hips, letting them fall to the floor to reveal more crimson silk. She approached Bernie, capturing her lips in a brief, searing kiss before dropping to her knees between Bernie’s parted legs.

Bernie’s stomach coiled tightly with desire at the sight of Serena’s mouth on her bare stomach, kissing her skin just above her belt as her fingers released the leather strap and then the metal zip of Bernie's jeans. 

“Fuck.” Bernie moaned, leaning back on her palms to watch as Serena’s tongue darted across the newly revealed skin at the hem of her knickers.

Serena only moaned in response, pushing Bernie’s jeans down her thighs and off past her ankles, spreading her knees with her hands and peppering kisses across the inside of one of Bernie’s thighs.

Bernie could feel how wet she was, her knickers evidently soaked, and Serena glanced up at her as her kisses paused at the sight. A smirk pulled at Serena’s lips before she buried her face against Bernie's knickers, her hot tongue pressing against Bernie's clit through the fabric.

Bernie's fingers gathered in Serena's hair, bringing her closer into her, her hips bucking. She moaned, feeling her clit throb against Serena's mouth. Serena hummed in appreciation, the vibration making Bernie’s eyes rollback and her hips push forwards.

"Yes, Serena, oh god.” Bernie was losing control, unable to think about anything other than the sensation of Serena’s mouth on her. 

Serena took another few long strokes with her tongue before she looked up at her, “Big macho army medic, falling apart already? I’ve not even tasted you properly yet.” 

Bernie growled, pulling Serena up and on top of her, kissing her deeply. Serena straddled one of Bernie’s thighs, grinding against her. Bernie met Serena’s hips, unclasping Serena’s bra and bringing the material away from her body before rolling her onto her back.

Bernie’s eyes took in the sight of Serena’s slightly parted shapely legs, lace-trimmed knickers and bare breasts, her nipples already hard and her breath rising and falling heavily in her chest. She looked up at Serena to see a flicker of vulnerability in her eyes.“You’re gorgeous.” Bernie whispered, before leaning down to suck a nipple into her mouth, gently closing her teeth around it before salving it with her tongue.

This time it was Serena’s time to mewl, Bernie’s mouth moving from one breast to the other before pulling Serena’s knickers down her legs. Recapturing her mouth hungrily, Bernie slid a thigh between Serena’s legs, both women moaning at the sensation of Serena’s wet heat on Bernie’s skin. 

Serena’s hands grabbed at Bernie’s backside, fingers digging in to her skin as she bit at Bernie’s bottom lip. “Take these off.” she ordered, thumbs dragging Bernie’s knickers down.

Bernie kicked the material from her legs and Serena wasted no time in sliding her fingers through Bernie’s curls and into her wetness.

Bernie cried out at the contact, pushing her hips forward to meet with Serena’s fingers. Serena wrapped a leg around Bernie’s waist, desperate to increase the friction between her cunt and Bernie’s thigh as Bernie’s hips rolled against her. 

The feeling of Serena’s breasts against her own, the sight of the sweat on Serena’s skin, and the sensation of Serena’s fingers inside of her was all more intense than Bernie could have ever imagined, but she needed more.

Bernie replaced the thigh that had been grinding into Serena with three of her fingers, smiling at the moan that left Serena’s throat. Serena tightened around her fingers as Bernie fucked her, matching the pace of Serena’s fingers inside her until eventually Serena was crying out, her head tilted back against the pillow and her back arching as she came.

The sounds Serena made as she came Serena were enough to send Bernie over the edge, the arm she was using to support herself collapsing as she fell against Serena, her orgasm sending waves of pleasure through her and her teeth biting at Serena’s exposed neck. 

Both women lay still as their breath settled, Bernie’s head resting on the pillow next to Serena. Bernie closed her eyes, her body still shaking as she came down from her release. 

“That was amazing.” Serena breathed, her fingers running up over Bernie’s vertebrae. 

Bernie hummed in agreement, placing open-mouth kisses over Serena’s jaw before pulling back to look in Serena’s eyes. “I haven’t finished with you yet.” She smirked, watching Serena’s expression fill with desire as she moved down to between Serena's thighs. 

 

* * *

 

Bernie awoke to the feeling of Serena’s fingers trailing down the side of her face and her eyes fluttered open to see Serena’s soft smile. She figured they must have slept an hour or two at most, having spent the night exploring each other’s bodies, sharing a hunger that neither of them could seem to entirely satisfy. The memory of Serena cumming against her mouth sent a fresh jolt of desire through Bernie. 

“Sorry I woke you.” Serena whispered, “I had to touch you to make sure you weren’t a dream.”

Bernie smiled, “You’re not dreaming.”  
  
“I feel like I am.”

“Me too.”Bernie leant in and kissed Serena tenderly. “Last night was wonderful.”

“It really was.” Serena pressed her forehead against Bernie’s, her voice a whisper as she spoke.“I want you, Bernie. I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to be with you in any way you want to be with me, as long as it means I get to share my life with you in some way. I just want to know where I stand. What _this_ is, so I know what to expect, or what to not expect.” 

The tenderness in Serena’s eyes made Bernie anxious. Serena was willing to give _everything_ when there was a chance she would get so little in return.

“I… um…” Bernie moved away, sitting up in bed and swinging her legs over the side of the bed to touch the floor, her body filled with fear at the weight of her words. She wanted to commit to Serena, more than she had wanted anything but, buckling under the pressure and importance of it all, she could only manage to muster a quiet mumble about having a shower before disappearing into the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

Serena had barely spoken to Bernie as they packed their bags and left the hotel to head towards the conference. They were one of the first presentations of the day and Bernie was thankful as butterflies filled her stomach at the idea of standing on a stage in front of a thousand people. 

She had barely practiced her slides since she’d put them together on Saturday in the bed and breakfast. The presentation had not been her priority then and, truth be told, still wasn’t. She loved Serena, and they were the only words she cared about saying.

“Serena,” Bernie reached out and took Serena’s hand in hers, courage rising in her chest. “I want to—“

“And now, from Holby City, Serena Campbell and Bernie Wolfe!” the event host announced, interrupting Bernie. It was too late.

Bernie’s and Serena’s fingers parted as they walked on stage. Bernie taking a place next to Serena as she took to the lectern, clicker in hand and a confident, steady smile on her lips.

“Thank you for having us, it’s an honour to be here,” Serena spoke, “despite writing our car off along the way, we’ve somehow made it here unscathed!” 

Serena spent the next ten minutes explaining the story about how AAU had come to be, how their older processes had, in hindsight, been ineffective, how budgets had been distributed across Holby and the challenges they had previously to fund any innovation, before she passed the clicker over the Bernie.

Bernie felt her mouth go dry as she looked out over the audience, only just visible in the darkened seating area, a vast difference to the bright lights of the stage. 

She pressed the clicker, moving the slides to a photograph of her and Serena standing by the newly opened trauma bay. They were shoulder to shoulder, arms full of files and boxes, exchanging smiles, lost in a moment of shared happiness and oblivious to the photographer. 

Bernie knew her script, knew she was meant to tell the story of how she had suggested having a trauma bay, how much it had cost and the benefits it brought to the hospital, but as she stared at the photo she knew that she couldn’t stick to her lines. She couldn’t stand on the stage with Serena and talk about all they had achieved together with no mention of her underlying feelings for her co-lead. 

“I first met Serena earlier this year,” Bernie started, looking nervously at Serena, who looked confused at Bernie’s unscripted beginning. “She was having car issues and I was in my first week at Holby, freshly out of the army and trying to give up smoking. As you can imagine neither of us were in a great mood.”

The crowd laughed a little, seemingly unaware of the true importance of Bernie’s words. 

A heavy breath left Bernie’s body as she continued, hands pushed into pockets to try and stop herself from shaking. “From the moment we introduced ourselves I felt like I’d met someone special and I wasn’t wrong. Serena has always been there for me as a friend, has believed in my ability as a surgeon, even giving me half of the ward she had worked for years to build. To be treated as an equal by someone who is so widely respected across the profession, and is so damn good at their job, is a massive honour.”

“When Serena recommend that AAU have a trauma bay she took a chance on me, and she trusted that even if it didn’t go to plan we would still be there for each other,” Bernie looked from the audience toward Serena, the words she had wanted to say for days now flowing from her lips. “I’ve been rubbish at placing that same trust in us. I should have been braver. I should have been honest with you, Serena. I’m so sorry that it’s in front of a thousand people that I’ve finally found the words I should have said to you before.”

Bernie felt a lump form in her throat as Serena’s nervous expression turned to one of adoration and hope. Bernie felt vulnerable, her words exposing so much more of her heart than she ever had before but she knew with Serena she would be safe. She would be loved.

“You said to me earlier you wanted to know what to expect from us…. You can expect heated rows over budgets, disagreements over patient treatment, the constant annoyance with how messy my desk is, unfortunately that will never change.” Bernie shuffled nervously from one foot to the other, staring down at the floor momentarily before looking up at Serena through her messy fringe, “But you can also expect me to be there for you, no matter what, at home, at work, wherever you need me. You can expect me to love you dearly, as my friend and as my partner, because I do.”

Bernie cleared her throat, turning back to audience. “When I came to Holby, I expected to find a new job, to make a new life, but I never expected to find a trauma bay, and I certainly never expected to find the love of my life. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve hijacked this talk, but I couldn’t stand here and talk to you about how important our trauma bay is without mentioning how integral Serena has been in its success, and how much she means to me.” Bernie felt a blush rise on her cheeks as she realised at the enormity of what she had said. “Um.. so, thanks for listening.” 

The room filled with the sound of applause and Bernie felt Serena take her hand, guiding her from the stage. Bernie could feel her heart racing, her palms were sweaty and her head span. She focused on the feeling of Serena’s hand in hers until they reached a quiet corner backstage, coming to stand in front of each other, neither quite sure how the other would react to what had just happened. 

“That was the most fantastic thing anyone has ever done for me.” Serena smiled, her eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall . 

Bernie took both her hands in her own, “I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

“You told me. That’s all that matters."

Bernie had always known the importance and power of the truth but now, staring into Serena’s eyes, their fingers interlocked and smiles on their lips, she knew it could be so much more. The truth was beautiful.

  
_Fin._


End file.
